TOP TAKE-AWAY: Acknowledging Men’s Response to Pregnancy Loss

The impact on fathers is often overlooked in pregnancy loss. Men’s grief may be missed or ignored by healthcare workers, counselors, family members, and even their spouse. The experience can be as intensely upsetting for men as it is for women. Both partners may experience feelings such as shock, grief, anger, and frustration. This can be compounded by men not outwardly expressing their grief, which can lead others to not fully understand the true feelings men have about their experiences. In turn, this may lead to more emotional turmoil later on. 

There are a variety of reasons why men may not feel comfortable expressing their emotions following pregnancy loss. 

1. They may feel that in order to properly support their partner, they need to minimize their own feelings. 

2. Some might feel that they need to move on from the experience, or they may try to avoid their feelings about the experience by working more or turning to drinking or drugs.

3. Some may even engage in aggressive behaviors, funneling all their emotions of grief and loss into anger. 

There are some ways in which men who have gone through a pregnancy loss can be helped to express their feelings in a healthy way. 

1. For one thing, men should be encouraged to express and explore their emotions about the pregnancy loss as soon as possible, along with women. 

2. If women are offered counseling by healthcare workers, men should be encouraged to join and participate. If they do not feel comfortable participating, it may still be beneficial to recommend one-on-one counseling or therapy for them to start the process of acknowledging their grief. 

3. Education may also be an important part of support and emotional expression. Teaching men about socialization and how depression can be masked by other emotions may help them to understand their feelings and behaviors in a more open way. Simply helping these men to recognize and understand their grief and trauma in a healthy way will help them to be more open and comfortable about expressing their emotions and healing from loss.

Rinehart, M. S. & Kiselica, M. S. (2010). Helping men with the trauma of miscarriage. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 47(3), 288-295. https://doi-org.holyfamily.idm.oclc.org/10.1037/a0021160