After pregnancy loss, many women experience grief and distress, but they also experience silence. Some women report feeling hurt that their family and friends do not acknowledge their loss or seem to be avoiding them. Social support can be helpful in preventing depression following pregnancy loss - but it is important that those who are trying to be supportive are doing it in a helpful way.
Below are some empirically-supported ideas for how to effectively support a loved one who has experienced pregnancy loss:
Acknowledge the loss! Miscarriage is *loss* and many women grieve the loss much like people grieve other kinds of loss. Many women describe wanting their loved ones to simply acknowledge that they recognize the loss.
Do not try to minimize the situation (even if it is intended to be helpful). Comments like ‘you can try again’ may be intended to sound hopeful, but many women interpret it as ‘this baby didn’t matter - you can have another one.’
Listen to them talk about their feelings. Let them talk about how they feel and validate those feelings.
Healthcare providers should acknowledge the loss as well. Women tend to be dissatisfied with healthcare providers who are insensitive towards the loss, invalidate the loss, lack empathy, and provide too little information. They are often much more satisfied when their providers are understanding and caring, listen to them, and acknowledge the loss.
Counseling may be helpful as well. Counseling can provide a supportive and non-judgemental environment for healing, and can provide information that could validate and reduce their grief, normalize intense emotions, and help to regulate emotions. It is important that the counselor makes the woman feel heard, acknowledged, and validated.
Reference
Randolph, A. L., Hruby, B. T., & Sharif, S. (2015). Counseling women who have experienced pregnancy loss: A review of the literature. Adultspan Journal, 14(1), 2–10. https://doi.org/10.1002/j.2161-0029.2015.00032.x
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