The first trimester is monumental in a pregnancy. This is where the mother starts bonding with the baby, futures are being imagined, and announcements are being made. When a mother first finds out she’s pregnant, she starts developing an attachment to the baby and a new bond is made. The mother may experience the attachment more intensely, compared to the father, as the baby grows inside of her (that is, the mother is the gestational parent). Because of this strong attachment, the mother may feel the grief more strongly than the father. “Perhaps the mother's attachment to her child is the strongest bond in humans. This relationship has two unique characteristics. First, before birth, the infant gestates within the mother's body, and second, after birth, she ensures his survival while he is utterly dependent on her” (Goldbach et al., 1991).
What Affects Attachment in Pregnancy?
Research has been inconsistent regarding whether gestational age influences level of grief. Some research has found there is no relationship between grief and gestational age; no matter how far along the fetus was, the grief will be the same. However, other research has found that the further along the pregnancy loss is, the more grief stricken the mother is due to the longer attachment time. Further, some research has found that the further along the pregnancy is, the higher the grief levels are for the father. In addition, when it is an early pregnancy loss, the father may not understand the mother’s grief to the extent they do in a late pregnancy loss.
Gender Differences in Grief
Mothers and fathers may experience their grief differently. Mothers may be more likely to openly express their grief, whereas fathers are less expressive and more stoic. Mothers are more likely to have higher levels of grief, be depressed and withdrawn, and may visibly express their grief by crying even years after the loss. However, fathers are more likely to be aggressive and angry and have higher levels of denial (Goldbach et al., 1991). Some of these differences may reflect differences in attachment between the gestational parent and non-gestational parent.
Conclusion
The strength of the attachment between parent and baby is what leads to grief. Sometimes attachment increases further into the pregnancy and sometimes attachment is higher among the gestational parent. But as attachment increases, so will grief. However, not everyone will express grief in the same way. While mothers may be more likely to be depressed and cry, fathers may be more likely to be angry and in denial.
Goldbach, K. R. C., Dunn, D. S., Toedter, L. J., & Lasker, J. N. (1991). The effects of gestational age and gender on grief after pregnancy loss. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 61, 461-467.
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