TOP TAKE-AWAY: MEN GRIEVE MISCARRIAGE TOO

Men’s grief following miscarriage is often thought to be less intense and last for a shorter period of time compared to women. However, that’s not true for all men - some men have experienced similar or higher levels of grief compared to their partner. Some men report feeling as if they lost their identity as a father; one moment they were looking forward to fatherhood, then the next it was snatched away. Some men also report being concerned about future pregnancies and feeling of anxiety and fear about their future and having children.
Further, even men who appear to not be grieving may be hiding the grief they are experiencing for a number of reasons: 

• Men often take on the “supporter” role for their partner and do not openly express their grief, which then enhances the stigma of men being stoic and never showing emotions.

• Men often are hesitant to share their feelings of grief or feel as though they do not have anyone they are comfortable enough to share their grief with. They do not want to push their feelings of grief onto their partner because their partner is already trying to deal with their own.

• Men often are also hesitant to share their feelings of grief with their loved ones because it is a personal issue and they are expected to have moved on already.

Men have reported a number of coping mechanisms they have found helpful to deal with their grief following miscarriage. Those coping mechanisms include:

• Seeking a Biological Explanation: trying to better understand the miscarriage, seeking information and reason as to why the miscarriage occured. This can be especially helpful, because the lack of an explanation among health-care providers may cause the couple to have feelings of helplessness, being ignored, feeling unimportant, and being alone in their grief (Due et al., 2017). 

• Distancing and Distraction: wanting space from their partner to process their thoughts and feelings or using other methods of distraction such as keeping busy with work, friends, and family.

• Memorials: having anniversaries and events or things to remember their loss.

• Focusing on the Future: looking forward to the future and focusing on other options such as adoption or in vitro fertilization.

Everyone grieves differently. But it can be helpful to men to know that their grief is normal - and that others understand that grief.


Due, C., Chiarolli, S., & Riggs, D. W. (2017). The impact of pregnancy loss on men’s health and wellbeing: A systematic review. BMC Pregnancy & Childbirth, 17, 1–13. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12884-017-1560-9

Miller, E. J., Temple-Smith, M. J., & Bilardi, J. E. (2019). ‘There was just no-one there to acknowledge that it happened to me as well’: A qualitative study of male partner’s experience of miscarriage. PLoS ONE, 14(5), 1–20. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0217395